What Irritates Me in Others: Shadow Work
Some people simply irritate us. His self-confidence, the way she always talks, the arrogance, the weakness. And we ask ourselves why it triggers us so much.
According to the idea of shadow work, sometimes what bothers us in others teaches us about a part we've pushed away in ourselves. The shadow is everything that feels "not me": emotions, traits and wants we learned early were not welcome. Anger, need, competitiveness, tenderness, too much joy. We hid them to be loved.
But what's hidden doesn't disappear. It waits. And sometimes it appears in a strong reaction, in judgment, in a dream, or in a feeling that we're "not ourselves."
The shadow isn't the enemy. Sometimes it holds strength we never allowed ourselves, sensitivity we hid, a truth we didn't dare to say. Shadow work is a curious meeting, without judgment, with these parts. Not to let them run us, but to bring them home.
And it's part of "Back to Source": meeting myself, including what I didn't want to see.
A short exercise: what bothers me in the other?
- Think of someone who triggers a strong reaction in you. Put them in front of you.
- Ask: "What exactly bothers me about them?" Put it in one sentence.
- Ask with curiosity: "Is there anything in this that's familiar to me? When did I allow myself, and when didn't I?"
- Ask: "What is this part trying to protect me from?"
- Say inwardly: "I see you. You have a place too."
- Notice whether anything softens, even a little.
If you'd like to take this a step further, you can book a personal session on Zoom or in person in the Algarve.